I almost cried after reading this part. Thank you Lord, my Unfailing Love!
‘...She regretted her thoughts before entering the church: nothing was explained here either, and people had to take a chance and plunge in to the Dark Night of Faith. Before her, arms outspread, was that seemingly simple God.
He could not help her. She was alone with her decisions, and no one could help her. She needed to learn to take risks. She didn't have the same advantages as the crucified man before her, who had known what his mission was, because he was the son of God. He had never made a mistake. He had never known ordinary human love, only love for His Father. All he needed to do was to reveal His wisdom and teach humankind the true path to heaven.
‘… She remembered a Sunday catechism class, when the priest had been more inspired than usual. They'd been studying the episode when Jesus sweating blood, was praying to God and asking Him to remove the cup from which he was being forced to drink.
‘But why, if he already know he was the son of God?’ asked the priest. ‘Because he only knew it with his heart. If he was absolutely sure, his mission would be meaningless, because he would not be entirely human. Being human means having doubts and yet still continuing on your path.’
She looked again at the image, and for the first time in her entire life, felt close to it. There perhaps was a man, frightened and alone, facing death and asking: ‘Father, Father, why has thou forsaken me?’ If he said that, it was because even he wasn't sure where he was going. He had taken a chance and plunged, as all men do, in to the Dark Night, knowing that he would only find the answer at the end of his journey. He, too, had to go through the anxiety of making decisions, of leaving His father and mother and His little villiage to go in search of the secrets of men and the mysteries of the Law.
If he had been through all that, then he must have know love, even thought the Gospels never mention this-love between people is much more difficult to understand than love for a supreme Being. But now she remembered that, when he had risen again, the first person to whom he appeared was a woman, who had accompanied Him to the last.
The silent image appeared to agree with her. He had known people, wine, bread, parties, and all the beauties of the word. It was impossible that He had not also know the love of a woman, which is why he had sweated blood on the Mount of Olives, because, having known the love of one person, it was very hard to leave the Earth and to sacrifice Himself for the love of all men.
He had experienced everything the word could offer and yet He continued on his journey, knowing that the Dark Night could end on the cross or on the pyre.
‘Lord, we’re all in the world to run the risks of that Dark Night. I’m afraid of death, but even more afraid of wasting my life. I’m afraid of love, because it involves things that are beyond our understanding; it sheds such a brilliant light, but the shadow it casts frightens me.’ She suddenly realized that she was praying. That silent, simple God was looking at her, apparently understanding her words and taking them seriously.
For a while, she sat waiting for a response from him, but heard not a sound and saw not a sign. The answer was there before her, in that man nailed to the cross. He had played his part, and shown to the world that, if everyone played their part, no one else would have to suffer, because He had suffered for all those who’d had the courage to fight for their dreams.
Brida found herself quietly weeping, although she didn’t quite know why.
